So it’s been quite a while since I’ve even been on my blog, I write in my journal here and there, but I realized this morning that I need to be continually writing to help my mind, body and soul. So I have decided, why not restart my blog, and do it daily! So that’s what I have decided to do! So please continue my journey & watch for my posts. I want to talk about life, my journey, the future, the world we live in today, the environment, animals, how beautiful the universe is, and how we need to be better humans. I just want this to be a platform where I lay it all out there & you either enjoy it or hate it lol so I’ll drop one of my latest photography photos, and later on I will post my first blog post since FOREVER.

Your mind tells you when it’s time to heal.

The definition of fear is; an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. I know when I hear the word fear, I feel emotions like worry and the not so good butterflies in my tummy. I am slowly realizing how much fear I really have in my life, which I’m ready to recognize that emotion and stop it immediately.

Last week I was sitting on a small little beach near Lake Erie, enjoying some beautiful weather and some peaceful time to myself. Just trying to clear my head and my well-being. When I started really thinking and trying to clear my head I kept hearing the word FEAR, over and over. Every time I would try to move on and think of something new, it just kept popping up. So I took this as a sign, I needed to stop and recognize this feeling and try to figure out what this really means. Then realization hit me, I’m letting fear dictate my life. I started looking at it on so many different levels, trying to think why I’m letting this happen, and of course I felt so many different emotions I couldn’t even talk.

I have walked so many different paths in my twenty-seven years of life, I have so many things that have caused this pain to me it’s hard to really pin point what is causing this emotion. So I decided to look up different causes of fear and I started being able to find my real answers. So google decides to tell me, trauma is the number one cause of fear. While reading this lovely google search, I started unexplainably crying to myself. No wonder my brain is telling me I need to address this emotion, there is so much to even address within myself. I didn’t even know where to start.

For me, trauma is like my next door neighbor unfortunately. I have taken so much of it, I just assume it’s normal at this point. But I think the first step to move on from something terrible going on in your life is to accept it, and talk about it. So here we go. It’s time to release my trauma, accept my trauma, share my trauma, learn from my trauma, and let it go. So, let’s see how this works out. 🙂

The first traumatic experience I’m going to share is losing someone you love. I have lost both my mother and father, my grand father on my dads side, my grandparents on my mothers side and my close uncle all before the age of twenty-two. Now I don’t have much family to start with, so for me this is pretty much everyone other than my siblings. Now obviously death is a natural thing in life, we all know once we get to a certain age we die, but for myself it got so normal to lose people I love so abruptly I didn’t know anything different. I also believe that the way I experienced death and how my family members passed was a huge traumatic experience for myself. Being with someone you love, and then waking up the next day to them being gone forever so young for me was extremely traumatic. Which brings me to my number one fear of losing someone I love. Now that I have went through this trauma, anyone who walks into my life that means something to me, I fear they are going to leave. It doesn’t have to even be involved with death, it’s just the fact of someone I care so much about being gone within seconds. I have battled with this for years, and it has caused me so much doubt in relationships and friendships in my life. It’s time to smash this fear and realize some things just aren’t in my hands to control. Someone who loves me is going to stay through the good and bad times, until their time on this earth is up.

I think the next traumatic event that causes me fear is abuse. Out of the many types of abuse that can be caused, three major ones I have suffered from are physical abuse, emotional abuse and sexual abuse. I first experienced physical and emotional abuse before the age of fifteen. I witnessed my mother be the victim of abuse for two years before she stopped it. She was in a relationship with someone who would hit her, throw her down stairs and then yell and scream at her for how horrible of a person she was. This same man, emotionally abused my brother. He would tell him he was worthless, stupid, a faggot and how he was going to be nothing in life all at the age of five. I watched this for so long, I finally couldn’t take it any longer, one night I decided this is it. I laid quietly on our couch in the living room, waiting for my mother and her boyfriend to come home from the bar, heard them yelling while walking up the front porch steps, and I knew this is my time to stand up. So I laid there, hearing this man yell at my mother and then I hear a loud bang, I stand up and there is my mother laying in the middle of our kitchen floor, he threw her down the steps from the dining room. I rushed to her, called the police and looked him straight in the eyes and told him this is the last time he will ever put his hands on my mother again. Thankfully, it was. I was able to help my mother realize she was better than the way she was treated. A few years later, I unfortunately was put in an abusive situation with a male also, once it happened I wish I would of seen the red flags but it was too late and I was physically and sexually abused from it. I have never ran so fast out of a house in my life. I will never forget the emotions I felt going to school the next day, and seeing this guy roaming the same hallways as I was, knowing that what he did to me and he was just perfectly fine. But in the end he is the one who has to live with the fact he raped some innocent girl after a high school dance. Then after I graduated high school I fell in “love” with someone, had a baby, got married and realized I was in a toxic relationship and was being emotionally abused for a long time. Feeling like I wasn’t worthy of life, feeling like I was never good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, and I was never smart enough. It was the worst abuse I have ever felt. I dealt with it for 7 years before I left. Why? Honestly, that’s a very good question. I think it was so normal to me after so long, I didn’t realize how much of a toll it put on me until I woke up one day, realized I was so depressed I could barley leave my bed that it was time for a change. Which brings me to my fear of imperfection. I still to this day, feel not good enough for anyone or never being able to do anything right. I feel like anything I do, it’s just wrong. It’s definitely time to bury this fear of mine.

Now obviously I’m not going to sit here all night and explain ever little traumatic event that has happened in my life. I have too many stories and too many experiences to write on my little blog passages. But I wanted to confront a few that I am currently going to work on conquering. I hope reading about some of my fears and some trauma I have experienced can maybe help you through a tough time, or help you realize fear is something we all struggle with but we can move on from it. I know I am happy I can recognize that it’s time to take back the feeling of fear especially in my life today. I know I deserve to feel happiness and fear is not going to stand in my way of that. Now what fear are you going to let stand in your way now?

First off, WELCOME!

So the name is Chelsea, and I am twenty-five years young. I am not your average young adult, I act more like I’m forty and I am 100% okay with it. I’m an old soul who has been through more in her life than most. That’s why I wanted to start this whole blogging thing.

Anyways, I’ll start off telling you some small things about me.

I am a momma bear of two, one is my spunky little five year old daughter. BTW; shes is the cutest kid ever. (not being bias or anything) Then I also have custody of my handsome little brother who is sixteen. Being a mother to them is my greatest accomplishment. I adore waking up every morning to their smiling faces, even though they just want french toast. I work as a dental hygiene assistant, which is always fun and entertaining. Let me tell you, people just LOVE the dentist. (Sarcasm) I never knew how much I hated the public until working in peoples mouths. Then my love life is oh so intriguing, I’m recently divorced from my daughter’s father and it was the best choice I have ever made. Let’s just say, living like room mates with your husband is not how you do it. (Another day for that story) Most important part is that everyone is living happy now.

So you are probably wondering why I am making this blog. Well I have learned A LOT in my 25 years of life. So I figured I might be able to help someone with what they might be going through, or hopefully at least make you smile throughout your day. One big thing I know is, life is a crazy adventure we go through. We all have our good days and our bad days, it’s just how we handle it. Of course we all want to crawl into a hole sometimes, but I’m sure there is something way more important in your life than some nasty ass dirt in a dark hole.

So every week I plan on sharing a story with you all, and hopefully it helps someone out there and you continue following my story. I’m sure my stories will make you laugh, smile and sometimes cry, but I want to inspire you also. So until next time, thanks for reading ❤